


Rain to Cover my Tears

by BurntGayPotato



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Brief mentions of child abuse, Cuddling, Fluff, Heidi is a good mom, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It Gets Better, Kissing, Larry Murphy is literally a bitch, M/M, Pills, Scars, emotions hurt, im sorry, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 12:25:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19132000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurntGayPotato/pseuds/BurntGayPotato
Summary: Connor Murphy ran down the road, soaked to the bone from the pouring rain. His boots smashed against the pavement, splashing in the puddles. His head pounded as flashes of the fight came to him like lightning every time he blinked.





	Rain to Cover my Tears

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry ;o;  
> Not  
> Treeebrossss
> 
> PLEASE DO NOT TRIGGER YOURSELVES!!!  
> TW OF SELF HARM, ATTEMPTS AT SUICIDE, SELF HARM SCARS AND BRIEF MENTIONS OF CHILD ABUSE!

Connor Murphy ran down the road, soaked to the bone from the pouring rain. His boots smashed against the pavement, splashing in the puddles. His head pounded as flashes of the fight came to him like lightning every time he blinked.

The shatter of a plate that Connor had thrown nowhere in particular. 

Zoe‘s screams as Larry struck him across the face.

His mother’s sobs as Larry screamed at Connor to ‘get the hell out’.

So he had.

Wind blew drops of rain across the dark night like bullets. Connor arrived at his destination. 

The park.

He sat down hard on a soaked swing, grateful for the rain to camouflage the tears streaming down his face. Connor hung his head, staring at his hands in his lap. One hand fished into a pocket, only to take out a rattling bottle of pills.

He was ready to end it.

The only thing that stopped him was the voice that cut through the air.

“Connor!” He called out. He snapped his head up, and shoved the orange bottle back into his pocket as Evan Hansen emerge from the rainy night.

“Connor!” Evan called again, his non-casted arm coming up to shield his eyes from the rain. As their eyes met, Connor attempted to hide his devastation. But somehow, the blond boy in front of him seemed to sense the pain that Connor digested.

More than that, he seemed to  understand .

“What-“ the shorter‘s eyes flicked to Connor’s pocket, where a bit of orange plastic peeked out. “No.” Evan rushed forward and covered Connor’s hand with his own.

“Dont, Connor. Please, don’t.” Evan slowly moved his hand to the bottle of pills, and took them out. A lethal amount. He stashed them away in his back pocket to flush later.

“It’s fine Hansen. Nobody cares anyways. Go home and live your life.” Connor snapped, pulling back when Evan tried to reach out again.

“Connor...” The blond hesitated. “Please, just, come with me?”

He wanted to. He wanted desperately to let Evan lead him somewhere. Anywhere. 

But he knew he would just be a burden.

“Connor, please. My mom is still at work, but I know she wouldn’t mind.”

He’ll only turn his back on you . A voice in the back of his mind nagged. He ignored it. 

Slowly, Connor stood up and allowed Evan to guide him to his house. 

The rain was still coming down hard, but neither boy really cared. 

Climbing up the porch steps, Connor stumbled. Despite his bad arm, Evan caught him and they made their way into the warm, dry house.

Evan flicked the switch and light flooded the room. The shorter boy motioned Connor to the couch and scurried off momentarily. A minute later, he had returned with two steaming mugs.

“H-here.” Evan muttered, taking a seat next to Connor and offering him a mug. “Hot Cocoa.”

Connor took the mug gratefully, and sipped the cocoa gingerly. Warmth spread through his body despite his cold, rain soaked clothes.

Evan offered to put his shirt and hoodie in the dryer.

“Although I can’t do anything about your pants.” He squeaked, turning pink.

Connor almost laughed.

The taller peeled off his wet hoodie and T-shirt, forgetting about the dozens of scars that covered his wrists up to his elbows. Connor handed the clothes to Evan and he disappeared downstairs to put them in the dryer. 

Evan returned from the basement, and tried not to notice the bright red marks all over Connor’s pale skin.

But he did.

Evan hated knowing that Connor felt alone. That he felt the need to cut himself. 

He acted on pure impulse.

Once Connor had sat down his mug of cocoa, Evan walked over to the couch, and the anxiety-riddled boy kissed Connor.

The blonde pulled back after a moment, and apologized profusely at the surprised boy on the couch.

“I’m so so sorry, I just- I thought-” Evans complexion was deep crimson when Connor grabbed his face and kissed him back.

It was slow and passionate. Connor taking Evans hands and guiding them to rest on his shoulders. The taller wrapped his arms around Evans torso, pulling the smaller onto his lap until Connor could feel the fabric of Evans polo shirt against his bare chest, and Evan could smell Connor’s shampoo. Time seemed to stop. There was only Connor and Evan. And then…

“Uh... Evan? Connor?”

The boys broke apart (Evan still on Connor’s lap and Connor’s arms still wrapped around Evan) only to see Heidi Hansen standing awkwardly in the living room.

“Uh. Hi Mom.” Evan said, not moving his hands from Connors shoulders.

“What- where’s Connor’s shirt??”

“In the dryer.” Evan told Heidi how he had found Connor in the pouring rain and invited him in. Just before the blond could attempt to explain how he had come upstairs and kissed Connor, the dryer buzzed loudly.

“You go grab that,” Connor whispered, letting go of Evan. “I’ll take care of the rest.” Evan slid off the taller’s lap and walked downstairs.

Connor glanced down, suddenly self-conscious of the ugly slashes across his chest and arms.

“Ms. Hansen-“

“Call me Heidi.”

Connor blinked, briefly surprised.” Uh, All right. Heidi, look, I’m sorry to intrude, I just – Evan is…  amazing . And, well, he saved my life.”

Heidi’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

“I – in the park – I – I had the pills, I was ready to end it. Evan came along and stopped me.”

In a flash, Connor was enveloped in a motherly hug that he had  _not_ anticipated. 

“Connor, is everything okay at home?”

He hated it when school counselors asked that. But this time, he didn’t mind. 

“No.” The scarred boy choked, tears pricking his eyes. He hadn’t cried openly since freshman year.

“Is that where...” Heidi motioned to the thin scars on Connors body. 

He nodded, grateful when Evan chose that time to come tumbling up the stairs.

He handed Connor his clothes, and the taller slipped into his warm gray T-shirt. He only put the hoodie in his lap though. Evan sat next to Connor on the couch and offered him his hand. He took it, grateful for something to anchor him into reality.

“You don’t have to say anything Connor.” Heidi assured him. But for once in his life, he wanted to.

Connor told them about the time when he was 14, and had slit open his own chest. He told about how Larry had hit him and reminded him that his death attempts were selfish. He slowly opened up more and more until his story caught up with the present. 

And with no rain to cover his tears, 

he cried.

When Connor finished, he allowed Evan to hold him, and buried his face in the crook of the smaller boy’s neck. Heidi told him he could stay for as long as he wanted, and was always welcome back.

“Oh, this whole kissing thing,” she waved her hands absently “It’s fine. I was just surprised“

With that, Heidi went upstairs to bed.

“Um- we could just sleep here – if that’s um, okay with you of course-“ Connor cut Evans stutters off with a quick kiss. 

“Of course it is.“

Evan grabbed a blanket and draped it over the two. 

And in that moment, cuddling with Evan and listening to his soft breathing, 

Connor was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Hihi I’m sorry about not posting on The Staff of Ares lately by the way.  
> Heidi is a hero 
> 
> Thanks people I’ll see you around!


End file.
